Life is full of ups and downs. From one day to the next we don’t know where it will take us. And when life smacks you in the face how you react says a lot about your character. Are you the type that will fight as hard as you possibly can to get through it or do you automatically throw up your hands and give up? Do you lean on your friends or go into isolation? Do you put a brave face on when your falling apart inside or just wear your emotions on your sleeve? I guess with all this talk still about the new year people associate that with new beginnings. But what if your so-called “new beginning” starts off rough? Does that then determine what’s to come for the rest of 2011? Do we have nothing to look forward to but a crappy rest of the year? God, I hope not.

As much as I would love to share EXACTLY what is on my mind I can’t because now that my blog is read by many that know me personally I feel like I have to hold back sometimes. I’ve come to find out that this blog is a blessing and a curse now. Six years ago when I began blogging it was for comfort and I did it whenever something crossed my mind that I wanted to write about. I would blog 3-4 times a day because I loved writing. But now, when I really need to write the most, I can’t. I can’t because I worry about being judged. I can’t because now people are watching. I can’t because it may show that I have a weakness. I can’t because…I’m human. I know, I know. You want me to spill every juicy detail, right? I wish I could. I’m just not ready.

What I can do is tell you that this year was suppose to start off great for me. I had made big plans. I had high hopes. I had left 2010 behind me in hopes of a better year. Don’t get me wrong, last year was a good year but I wanted a new beginning in 2011 or rather a second chance to do things a little differently. But life took a few too many twists and turns. Twists and turns that I truly wish hadn’t happened. Which for weeks had led me to ask myself over and over again: “Is there such a thing as new beginnings?”

I mean how can we take the baggage or burdens we carry and start over? How do we tell those affected by it that hey, I’m starting fresh again so please excuse the craziness that is my life? I swear if I didn’t know better I would think that the universe had it out for me! Okay, I’m being a tad melodramatic but I just can’t shake this. And then a little light turned on in my head…well actually it was the light of my laptop. I took a look at the news. I read about Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords fighting for her life. I read about Ted Williams the “man with the golden voice” fighting for a second chance at a new life. At that moment I decided I was a fighter too. Even though things are not the way I want them to be right now doesn’t mean I’m giving up on them eventually being the way I had imagined. I have to admit that I am scared but if I don’t come out “fighting” then I’m more afraid of who I would turn into if I just retreat. Anyhow, it’s not in my nature. That was never who I was and I don’t think I’ll ever be that person.

So, while I’m contemplating how I’ll take on these little bumps in the road let me remind you of this. No matter what your situation in life is right now there are two things that I ask of you. #1-Don’t think your troubles/problems are any less important or painful than someone else’s. You feel what you feel because you are the one having to live through it. #2- There IS such a thing as new beginnings! You just may need to fight for it.

With all my mami love,

Jennifer